Little Book of Big Feared Truths
By Herbert S. Demmin, PhD
The Little Book of Big Feared Truths by Herbert S. Demmin, PhD, opens by tearing through a substantial list of other researchers and health care professionals who have dedicated themselves to the study, analysis, and dissemination of information to help build self-esteem. While he agrees that low self-esteem undermines success, he maintains that negative self-talk and dwelling on negative predictions and negative outcomes cannot merely be replaced with positive self-talk, positive anticipations, and positive thoughts. If you already have read the books or studied under some of these professionals with whom he finds fault, and you already hold an allegiance to them for their support and guidance, you may be turned away by Demmin's introductory message.
Demmin offers 11 mechanisms whereby you can uncover your self-limiting "feared truths," confront them and give them a "fair hearing," disconfirm or confirm them, acknowledge and accept them and the feelings they trigger, or work to modify them, or toss out those found to be invalid after rescuing yourself from your obsession to hold onto them and use them for some misconstrued or misperceived need.
You will know that you have accepted your feared truths when you become "the authority" on your qualities and your feelings and emotions and are not influenced by whatever others may say or do. You can become your own best friend. If others praise you and you know you deserve it, or if they criticize you and you accept that the quality they condemn is worthy of reproach, then you remain in charge. You are empowered and stabilized by owning your own situation and by not being pumped up or squashed down by others. He explains that "having good intentions" is among certain qualities common in all contexts and purports that "Even in the face of negative outcomes, if you trust that you meant well, you're unlikely to be as self-blaming, guilty, or doubtful" (p. 58).
If you want to re-do the latticework of your self-esteem that, as Demmin says, was "largely determined by how others treated you as a child, adolescent, and young adult" (p. 40), then The Little Book of Big Feared Truths can play a useful step-by-step role in your challenge of reinventing yourself.
Linda Davis Kyle, Reviewer
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